Top 5 Ways to Calm Down after Stressful events

Does your child become overstimulated easily by sensory triggers?  Does she become anxious with too many demands?  Does she have behavioral outbursts from stressful events like assemblies, a bus ride, a trip to the doctor, or a shopping trip in a busy mall?  This post is a response to Edition 10 of the Best of the Best, Calming Techniques for Stress and the Special Needs Child. You can view the link here.

When your child becomes stressed or anxious over demands, sensory dysfunction, or environmental or medical factors, she is more likely to have behaviors that could potentially harm herself or others.  There are many reasons for this and your child may suffer from at least one of these:

• A lack of language, which inhibits your child from expressing herself appropriately or asking for help.
• Sensory processing disorder, which can help make your child feel helpless and out of control very quickly.
• Fear of the unknown, when expectations are not clear and your child does not know what is coming next.

Anxiety, which causes an overwhelming feeling, makes it much more difficult to know what to do or process what people are saying or asking . When children have anxiety, it is so important to help them calm down in a way that diffuses the anxiety instead of intensifying it.  However, this is easier said than done.  Self-regulation is a skill that needs to be taught and practiced for both typical children and children with special needs.  Below are the top 5 ways to get your child to calm down and regain self-control:

1. Be a role-model.  As stressful as the event may be for your child, if she sees you become stressed in handling the situation, it will just add fuel to the fire.  You need to step back and try a calming down protocol yourself (see below), if you feel yourself becoming anxious or stressed.  Your child can definitely sense your anxiety so the best thing to do is to show them that you are calm and regulated.
2. Use a calm voice with less words.  When talking to your child, speak slowly and in as calm a voice as possible.  Also, use less words when giving a demand, i.e., “10 Deep breaths,” instead of, “Let’s slow down your breathing. We’re going to breathe deep, 10 times… Are you ready?” Your child is already overloaded and as I said above, it is much harder to process what you are saying in the heat of the moment.  You need to use words and phrases that are short and to the point.  Too much wordy language or too many demands can make your child feel even more overwhelmed and will not accomplish anything.  Using pictures is an excellent strategy for using less words.  Point to the picture of a child closing her eyes instead of saying, “Close your eyes.”
3. Use a calming down protocol.  This can include breathing deep to the count of 10 and having your child close her eyes.  Closing her eyes can help her to tune out what is causing the stress and find a quiet, dark, place inside.  It is a good idea to also have her fold her hands or hold something calming like a Smile Face Squeeze Ball, a favorite toy, or a special stuffed animal.  If your child is holding something, she is less likely to flail her arms, punch, or hit.  You should try to get her to sit with legs folded to also inhibit kicking.  You may also want to explore various types of music to help your child calm down.  Be sure to put on music that is calming and not excitable.  A calming down protocol should be practiced even when your child is not anxious so that she knows exactly what to do when she becomes stressed.  You can use pictures as visual aids or even a social story.  Ask questions like, “When you get angry or upset, what can you do?”
4. Redirect away from the stressful event.  Many times your child needs to be completely removed from the room or location of the stress factors in order to calm down.  Sometimes, for safety reasons, it is imperative to leave the current location before an outburst escalates into damaged property or your child or others getting seriously hurt.  If possible, guide her to another location that is calming.  Even a different room can be very beneficial because a change of scenery immediately causes your child to process the new things in front of her.  Be careful about choosing to go outside.  Make sure that your child is enclosed in a safe place before heading outside, especially if she is known for escaping or running.  The act of walking can be very calming for children and therefore just walking away can help them to calm down.
5. Use  deep pressure.  Deep pressure can be very calming to children, especially those with sensory processing disorders.  Applying deep pressure to a child after a stressful event can help her to feel regulated very quickly, giving her the proprioceptive input that she craves or needs to feel calm and organized.  It is important to explore different types of pressure during this time.  A child who is completely overwhelmed may feel worse if  someone touches her, gives out a restraining hug, or a tries to give a deep massage.  Many times allowing her to go under Beanbag or a Child Size Weighted Blanket 28″x42″ for a short period is an excellent solution.  Weighted blankets come in many sizes, textures, and weights.  The rule of thumb is to have a blanket that is about one tenth the weight of your child.

Remember to stay calm yourself, and model how to calm down every time you become stressed or anxious.  Also, remember to practice calming down with visual aids to be proactive and give your child a reference for exactly what to do when she becomes overwhelmed.  Good luck!  Let me know your progress or concerns.

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